i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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