Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize