Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
