my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
