he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
