i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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