My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
