Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize