did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
