tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
