so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
