Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
