I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
