So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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