were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
