Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
