My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
