Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
