i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
