So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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