Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she peed on how many people?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
