Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
