Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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