i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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