Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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