Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
