your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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