also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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