five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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