It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
