Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
