so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Rumble strips road head = magical
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
