I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
