I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
