He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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