no you cant smoke seaweed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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