A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
