i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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