I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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