The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
