in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
