smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
