Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
