Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
