so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
