I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
