I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
