Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
