I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
