How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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