Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My first STD was from a foam party
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
