After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize