I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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