Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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