I'm going to jail i love you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize