I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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