She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
