He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
