Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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