Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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