i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
