I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
