rhymes with "ouble enetration"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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