Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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