Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
