This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
