She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
