I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
