she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
