a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
