At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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