Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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