toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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