Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
